Waiting for the End

"And if your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much.
I'll be right beside you, I'll be right beside you."

-"Beside You," Marianas Trench

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Haha, so bestie already posted a bit about today.

We went to see Green Hornet (which is hilarious, btw, go see it.)  And things were kinda awkward......

I suppose it was due to a bit of miscommunication of some sort, but really, not totally from that.  Anyways, it could've gone a LOT worse, and I'm glad it didn't.

Things aren't changing much...even after that new piece of news, which really isn't all that new..well, not TOTALLY.  I'll still be kinda head over heels for him, but not quite that much, and I don't see myself giving up anytime in the future.

Bad for him (maybe), good for me? haha.

BTW, thanks James for humoring us and hanging with us =)

Tons more movies I wanna see later this year with ya'll. =D

"Baby, don't cry.  You had my heart, at least for the most part."
- "Little Piece of Heaven," Avenged Sevenfold

^^ awesome song.  Kinda creepy...but great, nonetheless.

4 Days Closer

 "If I lay here, if I just lay here
Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?"

- "Chasing Cars," Snow Patrol

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It doesn't feel real.  Being a senior, I mean.  It just feels like every other stress-filled year.
But now....now midterms are done with (finally!) and I'm really ready to just sit down and let my feet rest.  No more sprinting around like a madwoman, and college is just around the corner.

It feels so...


Liberating?

Relieving.  I've worked all my life to get up to this first milestone, and now that I'm here, I can't believe it.

The first chapter of my life is coming to an end, and the next is looming in the distance.  I don't want it to end.  As much as it has its terrible scenes and the worst mistakes ever, I miss each and every page.

God, where did the time go?  Just yesterday, I was making friends with Naoto in the crazy pre-school that refused to help me when I was barely potty-trained.  Just yesterday I was showing Troy my birthmark (which I really wonder...what the hell was I thinking?!).  Just yesterday I learned how to do the monkey-bars from Sana.  Just yesterday, I was trying to mediate between Flora and Angela.  Just yesterday, I was sprinting through a pool with my brother trying to win a relay.  Just yesterday, I was arguing with Ashleigh about her pen.  Just yesterday, I was getting mad at Reynolds for saying I was flirting with Cerreto.  Just yesterday, Doris was telling me and Ed to get together all the time.  Just yesterday, I met my bestie Sonya.  Just yesterday, Mr. Lyons yelled at us for talking all the time.  Just yesterday, I discovered manga and anime.  Just yesterday, I stopped being so angelic and started being a person.  Just yesterday, music became a huge part of my life.  Just yesterday, I was baptized and took Jesus and God for my Savior.  Just yesterday, I told myself I hated Josh to the ends of the earth.  Just yesterday, May passed away.  Just yesterday, I had to keep going and pretend everything was O.K.. Just yesterday, I hated everyone for trying to replace her.  Just yesterday, I picked up a pair of scissors and decided I was a failure.  Just yesterday, I was in the library and Jason came to see me.  Just yesterday, my brother found the cuts and told my mom.  My mom told me not to be stupid.  I hated her.  Just yesterday, I realized God is there, and this life is worth everything.  I stopped.  Just yesterday, Jordan Schaffer committed suicide.  It reminded me of David Gibson, and how I know nothing about my brother, and it made me wonder, where have I been my whole life?  Just yesterday, I saw my brother cry for the first time.  Just yesterday, Daddy told us he was being laid off.  Just yesterday, I drove with Daddy to Illinois, and drove back home with just Mommy and Josh in the car.  Just yesterday, I heard Mommy and Daddy arguing over the phone, and I thought, I did that to them.  Just yesterday, I wished I had never been born so Daddy could be here, or Mommy could be there.  Just yesterday, I swore to myself I'd work so hard, and Mommy and Daddy could be together instead of a thousand miles apart.  Just yesterday, Tyler Clementi committed suicide because of a joke gone bad.  Just yesterday, TJ stepped in front of a car and the whole school went silent.  Just yesterday, Josh started to talk to me as a real friend, a real baby sister, and I was so afraid.  Just yesterday, I was just a kid.

But today?  Today, I'm growing up.  Today, I'm going to college.  Today, I'm going to make sure Mommy and Daddy can be happy.  Today, I'm going to do wrong against God, but I will repent and I will love Him with all my heart.  Today, I'm going to be the best person I can be.

And it scares me.  The future is so uncertain, even though that's half the thrill of walking forward.

I don't know if I'm ready to write the first words of Chapter 2, but if I'm not ready now...when will I be?

Cross my heart

"And now, I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me, I'd be so good to you."

- "Good to You," Marianas Trench

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Lately, lots of people have been asking me if I'm going to ask Finland to prom. Answer? Yes.

And I learned he is/was a backup idea from one of the table buddies today.  But she said she knew I like him...so she wanted to know if I planned to ask him first.

Anyways, midterm week really sucks.  English + Calc were OHHHkay.  Not so great, but not a total bomb either.  And then today Econ and Spanish just blew it up.   Sooooo hard and I honestly think I failed both.  Hopefully Stats tomorrow isn't too bad....

Swimming season is almost over =(  I'm really going to miss it.  I don't think it's sunk it yet, that this is my last year and I won't be swimming with you "Mustang Mermaids" anymore...

Anyways, prom is getting to be big now.  Limo+dates+afterprom+beach+city+whoknowswhatelsewe'llpullouttaourasses= lots of drama and stress.

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Reading some of Stranger's statuses....I feel like a bitch sometimes.

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MPineapple, OPERATION WAS A SUCCESS. Last night, I told her all about it, and she was like, "oh maybe I should have gone, even with my busted legggg."  It worked especially well since we have similar tastes and I was totally overselling them. =P

Writing sonnets is fun.

Calculus, on the other hand, is not.

Neither is Spanish.

Econ, too.

I keep watching Lochte's swims, and Phelps.  Yea...I feel so slow. Haha.

Yay delayed opening!  But I really actually need a snow day.  I don't need to fail two tests in a day, especially in econ and calc.

I asked my mommy to get me some Mtn Dew for my long night.  She came home with a 1L bottle.  By 3am, I will be bouncing off the walls.  Lots of caffeine ftw.

I'm 2 hours behind schedule.  That means I'll be sleeping around 7am.  Unless I decide to take the extension...I'm just afraid I'll need it later and I won't have it.

Bones aired apparently.  Yes, new ep to watch tomorrow!
New show: Off the Map.  It's pretty good, check it out (if you have time) on hulu!

ew school.

just decided to blog for no reason.

school is a pain.

especially english and statistics. the stats project is a freakina;2to48hwiln.
anyways, very jealous of those people who are done. very very very jealous.

covert affairs is apparently really addicting or i just lost a lotta self-control cause i just keep watching. even though i should be studying for midterms, the tests this week, th espanish composition, and prepping for my essay.

I think i just lost a lot of self-control.

Life sucks.

Karma's a bitch.

I'm soooooooo sick of Montville and school and being stuck here all the freakin time. Give me college. PLEASE.

ugh..

College interview later today.

Ugh. I'm sooo nervous and scared and really sure it's gonna suck.

And i just woke up like.....15 minutes ago.  That can't be good.  Given my mom woke me up late..but still. less time to do all the crap i need to get done.

I hate this time of year. So freakin much.

If we don't have a snow day tomorrow....

......I'm going to kill a tree.

Seriously. The weather keeps on moving the snow farther into the day, and theres a less chance every time i check.  Assholes.

wow i'm so nerdy.

and so lazy.
and asian.
and a fail at life.
and computer stupid.

Haha.  no really I am.

I was convinced to dl LoL.
I should really probably do my hw and do the huge shitload of work i have piled on me all due Friday.  And the tests. Fun fun.

But instead I'm here trying to figure out how to add LoL to my firewall exceptions so I can play LoL with other nerdy gamers. yay.