Why do I keep putting myself through this

Break is here. =)

Break is slightly boring.

Break is slightly long.

Break is a time of League of Legends and lots of games and computering and sleeping.

BACK IN JERSEY

So hmu if you want to hang and if you have a way of transportation, because I sure as hell don't.  My car died at the end of senior year soooooo.....sad face.

Not visiting MTHS tomorrow; cant be sure I can get home and stuff, so I'll try my best Wednesday, if the office deems it okay for me to be in school. Lawl.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CONGRATULATIONS MAGICALPINEAPPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


=D =D =D

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you ^_^
=D


Hahahahaha


IN JERSEY IN 3 DAYS BITCHES. YEAAAAA

1 down 3 to goooooooo

That's depressing.

Math was okay.

Cramming CS and bio.  More like bio right now because I'm not even done with bio yet, and cs i'm not even halfway through.  FML.

One week =)

Firefly

Just shed your light.

These past few days have been crazy haha.  Lots of kinda cramming and really basking in the pre-finals mood of I DONT WANT TO STUDY GODDAMMIT.

So yea.

Emil came over again yesterday.  Lots of fun.

Finals start monday.  With Calc.  I'm sooooo screwed. Haha.

This sucks.  I have to be super productive this week before the weekend if Emil wants to come over for another movie, cause I think we're still in that stage where staying apart for like, a week sucks.  A lot.

And break is coming up, so I can't see him for a whole freaking month.

I'm such a sap.

Ignite the light

And kindle the fire

Hahaha.

These past few weeks have been crazy.

Finals start this Friday, I don't start until Monday though, but I'm totally screwed hahahaha.

Great.

See you guys in a couple weeks =)

Do you montvillians know what day dec 20 is? 1,2,3, or4?

thanksss =)

sooo screwed

ithink i failed my calc exam.
i'll find out tomorrow at 130

and i have an econ quiz tomorrow on things i have no idea what.

i'm screwed.

finals too. gah.

on the happy note, emil's coming over again tomorrow =D

time to "study" before i head out for fellowship. >.<

Just turn around, come back

because your smile is overdue.

"The Hardest Thing" Tyler Ward

That kid is seriously awesome.

Yes, it was the weird semi-formal dinner; that went well, and then after he dropped me off at home and went home to change, he came back over to watch Warrior with me =)

Now it's time for me to flip out and freak out because I have a math exam tomorrow and its freaking weird and we didnt learn some of it with mr. phil.

=)

Had a good date =)

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears,
I'll give it someone special.


"Last Christmas"


Back in good old Champaign!  Haha, finally!  I'm actually goin to be productive for the first time this break.  I'm sitting on my bed, with my laptop and notes pulled up on word, and my handwritten notes right beside me.


Let's see if I'll end up being productive hahaha.  I better.  I have a shitton this week, I just realized, because this is the last full week before finals start, and pretty much nothing's gonna get done in class next week.


I can't believe my semester is practically over.  8 days left, one reading day, 6 days of finals. But i only have 3 out of those 6 days taken =)


This is crazy.  This is awesome.  I love college.


Time to go kill myself over how much shit I need to do and a relationship to juggle.


My dad gave me a relationship talk on the drive up this morning.  very very awkward. hahahahaha.


-----


HELP. We're going to a...semi-formalish restaurant Tuesday (his pick not mine) and they said, "While dining at Timpone's you will feel most comfortable in either proper or business casual."  


....I dont know how expensive this restaurant is, well, a review said the price range is decent, $11-$30, and I'm seriously freaking out.


Is it normal to go out to such a..."high-end" restaurant so early?!


I sound stupid. hahahahaha.

Carry the wounded and shut your eyes

Into the nothing
Faded and weary
I won't leave and let you fall behind.
Live for the dying
Heaven hear me,
I know we can make it out alive.

"Into the nothing" Breaking Benjamin

Back to Champaign tomorrow!!! =D =D I seriously can't wait.  There is nothing to do here, and I get so much more done there than here because here = relaxing place to be meaning nothing gets done.

Hope you all had awesome breaks, and to the rest of the college attenders, good luck on finals! =)

Seasons come and go

But I will never change

"Written in the Stars" Tinie Tempa ft Eric Turner

----

This has been a really unproductive, really good break. hahaha.  I hope you all ate lots and went into food comas and had food babies =) hahahaha. That sounds horrible.

But I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgivings and possibly Black Friday shopping!

Hahaha, well.  I still have no idea what's going on. Soooooooooooo I'll update you.

=)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Happy Turkey Day everyone =)

I'm definitely really thankful to know all of you; you guys are awesome people and even awesomer friends =)

Eat lots, get fat, and be happy =D Hahaha

And sleep lots after all that food ^_^

See you guys soooooon!!!

MRSA.

Aha.  Yea, I'll take my antibiotics like the doctor told me to.  I can't promise I won't create a new strand of MRSA though...currently trekking through a hospital like 2x a day.  Cause my dad takes me through it. ><

Um, I guess most lights do?  But they're not going to track you down and be like OMG YOU RAN A RED LIGHT.  Just try not to do it often?

I don't find guys everywhere! Well, I guess I do.  Cause if I didn't, I'd be living in an all-female world and I can't take that.  But anyways.

I was gonna say something and then I realized I'd be gushing and then the oooooooooohhhhhhhh's would start. Something like that.

ENJOY YOUR BREAK MONTVILLIANS =D

Last night was awesome.  After dinner and after posting, I plopped down on my bed.....and promptly passed out.  Until like 10pm, and I woke up and was like, oh maybe I should changeinto pjs and stuff so i did and i went back to sleep. YUS.  Awesomeness.
But I had to wake up today at 530 so I guess not so awesomeness, but still =D

-----

I feel like a little kid with money and about to get candy when I talk to Emil.  I'm so giddy and happy and excited and its embarrassing.

That's all.

D=

Haha apparently there was ambiguous wording...? I thought my edit was kinda clear though =( guess not haha

Nothing's happening.  No joke.

Besides me getting really insecure, but thats a me thing.

MY DAD'S NEIGHBOR.  Is not only pretty good looking and young, he also hunts. with a bow and arrow. and shotgun.


^immediate idol.


Haha.  Seriously though, I met him this morning and I'm like WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

So I've been kinda sick lately, yea? Just a cough.
I go to the doctor today cause the parents are like OH NO WHAT HAPPENS IF ITS PNEUMONIA AGAIN AND YOU HAVE FINALS WHEN YOU GET BACK TO SCHOOL.
So it's some type of infection in my throat.  All good.  5 days of antibiotics is supposed to clear it up.

Am I clingy?
I dunno.
I hate being insecure.
End of story hahaha.

My heart is pounding in my chest

I was gonna put another song here, but I'm too lazy to go find it's lyrics because I just heard it yesterday, and so *insert song*

Haha.

Ed, he accepted. LOL.

And my heart was literally pounding in my chest a couple minutes ago. Lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Time to study. Sorta. Hahahaha. Oh man, studying during break.  Let's do this ><

--------------

*edit*

hahaha, nothing happenedddd goshh haha.  No seriously, nothing's happened.  We both know its a mutual attraction but nothing's happening.  I dont know if I should be glad he's not making a move and is respecting the "moving too fast" part of this since we've only known each other for about 3 week? or if I should be frustrated.

Lost my voice

Pretty much completely. hahaha.

Skyped with Emil last night for like forever, it was a lotta fun =)

speaking of which, I NEED TO SKYPE WITH YOU BESTIE AND VAL. IM GOOD LIKE, WHENEVER SO TELL ME WHENNNN

=)

Home sweet home

I'm hooooome.

Time to be bored outta my mind and resort to studying because finals are in 2 weeks and i'm sooooo screwed.

Yesterday was lots of fun =) He says he had fun making dumplings and stuff, so thats good.

The internet here sucks.

oh well. The internet at my dad's work is so much faster. =D

I am currently eating M&Ms.  Yumm.
And my dad has the heat on so low here.  Soooooooo cold and I didn't bring a sweater here...though I can now go through all the clothes I left here =D

=)

today was fun =) =)

I go home tomoorroowwwwww

My bajillion notes.

I'm very sorry for spamming your newfeeds XD

I was just trying really hard not to get around to doing my paper WHICH IS 100% COMPLETED BTW. BEFORE 5PM THE DAY BEFORE IT'S DUE.  IT'S A FREAKING MIRACLE.


So yes.  Now I'm cramming for my biology exam tomorrow.

FindingNemo/LoL/making dumplings hang out tomorrow! =D

I need to find time to pack my bags and stuff before they come over tomorrow...crap.
Shit I have a quiz in calc tomorrow too.  I'm sooooooooooo screwed for that....

Right.  Back to cramming I go.

New habit

Called "Let's blog at crazy am times."

Isn't this fun?Hahaha.

@Val: I don't think I've changed too much, maybe a bit more self-confidence, but yea I'm definitely rethinking ROTC.  I dont really wanna do all the physical work..but I do have to ask them about health careers in the army and stuff since that's a path I'm seriously considering.

I'm so hungry.

So my productivity levels increase as it gets later.  So it's apparently too early for them to kick in so I'm blogging to try and "warm up" haha, yay Scoops.

It's Thursday.  Hurry up and pass to after 4pm.

Nothing really to blog.  Maybe I'll write about what happened today later haha.


I think really my point of blogging all the time is just to let you peeps know I'm still alive.  I'm so far away and I do wonder about people I haven't seen/talked to in ages, so this is just my way of keeping ya'll updated and knowing I'm alive and kicking and doing well.  So don't feel bad, Bestie =)

I em upppppppppppppppp

Like a balloon in the skyyy

Not really.  I'm just really up at 3am because I napped from 7-9pm since I was really really tired and couldn't do jack, and then so I woke up and drank a frappuccino because I needed the caffeine, and now I'm kinda up even though that was HOURS ago I think I'm so awake because its past 1/2am which is when I get reaaaaally tired and I got SUPER productive in the last 30 minutes because I switched to a different part of my essay, the analysis part so I got like, over a page typed up no sweat but now I worry if that's really supposed to be in the analysis part or the introduction part because my TA seems really serious and I'm afraid she'll be a harsh grader or something and then I'll be fucked because I'm not sure I'll do as well on the final as I did on the midterm, and so now I'm really freaking myself out and its 3 am and I should probably be sleeping soon because I have class at 9 and I have to be up at 0730 but I'm really freaking awake and kinda on a roll with this stupid paper.

Sorry.  That was a stream of consciousness, practice for Beloved, my lovely seniors, if you have Scoops and she didnt yank that book.

I promised I wouldn't sleep too late.  Oops.  A bit more and then I'm heading to bed.  Almost at my goal of 2.5 pages today =)  I blog a lot I realized that.  Probably because I really don't have much better to do.  Wow now that sounds kinda pathetic.

@Kaiwen: hahaha yea he's white. Azerbaijan to be more specific.

I was SO PRODUCTIVE AT 230 ISH.  I have like 4 pages of my paper done now, but i have a lot of writing left, and its 5 max, so we'll have to cut and go down to 1.5 spacing and widen margins maybe.  Wow. I feel kinda proud of myself.  But I can't because I need to REALLY finish the whole thing tomorrow night. Definitely.

*edit

This morning sucks.  My tiredness level is like 50 million.

My grades are probably going downhill.

It always happens when boy drama takes over my life.

@Kaiwen: haha I'm glad you can live the college life through us XD I have too much drama goin on in my life though.....

Anyways, nothing has changed, besides the fact that its TUESDAY and BREAK IS SOON.  And I have to mail out my dad's birthday card.

Emil's coming over Friday night; we'd planned to watch Finding Nemo, and then I realized my roommates and our mutual Chinese friends are planning a get together at our place that night, to make dumplings and stuff.  Oops.  So then I was like, wanna come along? And he agreed, and then we'll...maybe watch Finding Nemo or end up playing League of Legends. LOL.  >.<

But yea, lets hope nothing comes up.  Dude, yesterday when this went down, I was like freaking out and really pathetic and like a little girl with a schoolgirl crush again.  Well, I guess that's what this is, but seriously, man.  But yea, he gets to meet the "family" here and make dumplings with us.

I
Am shooting an M16 next semester.  I'm so freaking excited.

I should probably get around to asking about ROTC stuff or what the path for a health prof in US defense looks like.

It amazes me how many singers smoke and still have great voices.  That should not be.

Pattern in names again.
This is gonna be a long week....

This world is screwed up.

Just read an article about how a 13yr old boy raped a 5 year old girl in the McDonald's playpen. What.  Seriously, the world is going downhill by the second, and it's getting to the point where I wonder what God is planning for us.

Haha @Val, I promise I won't.  Or I'll do my best to prevent it...Pepper spray is always nice. Or lots of keys.

Or next time I'll just take Emil up on his offer to send me home after.  He texted me at 1am to ask if I would need a ride home after the party, and was still up at 340 am when I texted him to tell him I was home and someone sent me home.

Or maybe I shouldn't be trusting him so much? dunno. lol.

I'll probably be MIA for a bit this week, got an IB exam friday and an Econ paper due that day too..
Thank goodness Jason bought us a ton of frappacino mocha things.  We have a whole shelf in the fridge.

Oh god my bio prof just pulled up a huge picture of a spider. ugh.

LAST FRIDAY NIGHTTTTT

I went out with Emil.  Haha, we watched 50/50 and the movie theater screwed up at first so they were playing Real Steel.

I cried.

Emil laughed at me after XD  And both of us were soooooooooooo hungry our stomachs were growling during the movie. ooooops.

Oh man.  This is so frustrating haha.  This whole dancing around each other thing, not sure if he likes me or not, not sure if he thinks of me just as a friend, etc etc.  Ugh.

And then last night, marching band party, and they can party.  Like, 5/6 of the people were obviously affected by alcohol.

I went with Ryan...and I danced with a guy for the first time.  I dont know if he thinks i'm attracted to him..hopefully not.  Hopfeully he's just looking for a friend.  When I met his friend Robby he was like, oh. Nice to meet you.  Oh. OH. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  And then he proceeds to look from me to Ryan and i'm like WTF IS GOING ON.

But apparently he thought I was his gf or something or someone else.

I did not get drunk or tipsy last night, because I had only 3/4 cup of jungle juice, and then multiple cups of water afterwards, and this was over the span of 4 hours.  But apparently I must have good tolerance for alcohol, because after Ryan finished 3/4 cup of jungle juice, he was loosening up.

Yea......

Jungle juice tastes good only if its chilled.

Decisions, decisions...

I'm gonna be freaking busy this weekend, and I'm beginning to wish I weren't going to the football game.  It's gonna take up too much of my time....

So I started LoL with Emil.  Yes, I hear cheering and booing.  I'm sorry, I think Im gonna get hooked.  Eventually. It's starting lol.

So I told pool dude to back off.  He doesn't really get it, but gets it.  So let's hope he backs off. Otherwise I'm taking Emil up on his offer to talk to him XD

Yes, recurring pattern of names....I'm sorry ><

Not yet in wuuuuvvvvvvv =P

I just drank frappuchino (sp?) mocha from starbucks, well half a bottle anyways, so I dont know how much caffeine/coffee is in that thing but its GOOD and I'm kinda awake.

Ryan invited me to a marching band party on Saturday night.  I'm pretty sure it'll be a normal party...just with marching band people, who apparently pretty cool.  I met one when I was meeting up with Ryan, or ran into the marching dude really, but he seems like a cool person.  I guess?

oh ew its -3 C out.  Ugh.

So I don't know if I should go because I'll only know Ryan, but I can't bring Emil along either, because its a guy who invited me....

Yea, thats my update. Haha.

ESS CUEE ELLLLLLL

Haha. No idea.  My SQL (something for computer science) book is sitting next to me because I thought I'd be productive tonight and actually study.

Though being the most productive at the moment would be to find my freaking econ article and start writing my paper, but shhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Met up with Emil to get J-net tix.  It's this japanese culture club here, and they've got lots of little sections, dancing, fashion, etc.  And they're holding a show this Sunday, and since Rebecca's part of the dancing crew, we're going to support her (me and Ellie I mean) and Emil's apparently friend's with the web organizer person girl, and she's like GOOOOO.  And so we went together on a hunt to find the "Vending Room" in the Union and I found it because I'm short and I look up all the time.  I'm not kidding. Hahahaha.

Then we proceeded to waste the next hour I had before class at 3 by walking around campus, stopping in at Panera to grab food cause he hadn't eaten since 9 am, and then Gamestop where we attempted to play the PS3 in there, but it wasn't plugged in. C'MON. Oh well.

So then we walked around campus for a while.  And then I had class.  And then I came home and did nada. Hahahaha.

But I DID clean my room!  It looks sooooooooooo neat now haha, and CLEAN AND EMPTY.  Yay!

Going to Taco Bell for the first time in my life in around 15 minutes, haha.  And getting my football ticket for this weekend =D  Too bad Emil can't make it....I was gonna have 3 tix haha.  He goes OH PICK ME PICK ME when I said I was trying to find people to go with me...but he goes grocery shopping Sat mornings/afternoons with his bro sooooo. Oh well.

Time to learn a little LoL from him before I leave in 10 minutes lol.

Alive

What if I told you that I think you're perfect?
Beautiful sky in your eyes, it's so worth it.
I know you make me feel alive.

What if I told you that I'm in forever?
Nothing to hide, yeah, I'll go wherever you go.
You make me feel alive.

And I'll be hanging on every word you say to me.
Hanging on a feeling that I get,
Cause you make me

Laugh a little louder
Love a little harder.




"Alive," Adelitas Way


-------


No idea if you people have heard of them, but they're pretty good =) coughmagicalpineapplecough.  They're a bit like Breaking Benjamin =)




I'm in Econ. Like I always am when I start to blog haha.  Dinner last night was nice; Ryan's like, a bit awkward, but it's adorable.  And he's a marching band geek XD  He also apparently lives down the freeway from my dad hahahaha.


And nooo, I'm not.  It just happens that I hung out with three dudes in 4 days.  Gosh.  Hahaha. I've run out of things to say. I'm going to pay attention now XD

Officially VERY VERY creeped out.

So he texts me this morning (we shall now refer to him a pool guy) at 9:30 in the morning. "You awake yet?"

...
whut.
SO CREEPED OUT.

And last night at like 11pm he goes, "wanna go to gamestop?" ....whuuuut.  I mean, yea some game was coming out BUT YOU DON'T ASK A GIRL WHO BARELY KNOWS YOU TO GO OUT TO GAMESTOP AT 11PM AT NIGHT.

Especially him. He scares me.

Anyone else...I might go.  But I was already showered and in my pjs and comfy so at that moment probably not. Lawl.

Though I could take him if I had to, I think.  If not.....NUT SHOT AND RUN.

@Val: only like...3....including pool dude.  But we're not so 2. Maybe.  The other two seem like awesome people.  But then again so did pool dude until now....

YES BESTIE. RUN AWAY. Omg.

@Ed: hahahah, well...I guess I won't be.  But I still don't want a short dude....if he's like 5'8" and I'm only 5' OUR BABIES WILL BE LIKE MIDGETS. LIKE ME.

Right.  Well.

This is going to take a toll on my finals.  Boooooo.

RESPONSEEEE

Haha second blog of the day to respond to everyone looooooooool.

He's a history major, so yup, east asian civilization =)  Well, I'm pretty sure he's 8" taller...hahaha.

I told him about the ADD HIM ON FACEBOOK I WANNA STALK comments, and he laughed.  And offered to add on facebook, but he says he doesn't have many picture or much on his fb in general.  So we'll see =)

And I guess it would be kinda uncomfortable...but I think I still prefer tall people haha.  Probably mostly because I don't want my kids to be super short XD

Ah, I'm not in Chicago, about 3 hours away?  And it definitely rains in Chicago.  I think.  Hahaha.

So the dude who taught me pool is like.  Really persistent.  So yesterday he goes, wanna grab lunch tomorrow?  And i'm like, sorry, already have plans to get lunch with someone else.
Then today, he goes, "wanna grab lunch tomorrow?" and i'm like, sorry, i'm going off campus for volunteer orientation.  So then he goes, "how about dinner?" and i'm like, "sorry got plans with someone else already."
And he goes, "who's this guy? same guy you had lunch with today?"

(I dont know if it's just the way I read it, but it started to sound really possessive....)

And then I"m like, no, a different guy.  ANd he's like oh.

And then he's like, we'll i'll definitely catch you this week.  So i say, hahaha i dont know about that...pretty busy.
So he goes, "then definitely this weekend."

Right.

Really really persistent.  He's a cool guy, but I feel like he's going for a relationship...or is that just me?

edit.
HE'S ADDED. STALK AWAY.

edit2
HE'S ADDED BUT HAS SECURITY SETTINGS SET SO YOU CANT SEE HIM. I'M SORRY.
If you message me privately i'll send you a picture of him =)

I'll keep ya'll UPDATEDDD.

Coming up:
dinner with another guy. hahhaahaha.  and movies friday night =) with the guy from today. his name is emil if I didnt' say so before....

Lalala.

So I went out to lunch with a guy I met last week; he's pretty awesome haha.  He's....I have no idea what his nationality is it starts with an Aber_____ i think?, but he's lived in the US for like 15 years, so most of his life.

What a small world, Ellie has class AND discussion with him for some East Asian Civilization and culture class.

And before some of you go "oooooooooooooooooo" No it was NOT a date.  At least I dont think so, haha.

Just finished taking an IB exam, hopefully it went well? I can't afford to do worse than last time XD I can only drop one grade =(

Ew. The final in that class is worth 175 points.  URgh.

It's also super rainy and gross out today.  But thats okay.  Meeting Emil was fun. LOL. We walked right past each other and looked at each other and moved on.  And then both of us were like WAIT BACKTRACK HI.

I realized 5'9 isn't really that tall.... I think he's 5'9" anyways?  Hahahahaha.  Moving on.  I'm off to watch a show before rehearsal...

The things....

people say. LOL.

I made some new friends, and I hung out with one of them today from like 5 to 9 ish.  He taught me how to play pool ( I kinda really suck) and then we went to Pizza Hut and explored campus a bit.  We went to his dorm after dinner though so he could drop off the leftovers, and then apparently some dudes on his floor saw us, and after he got back after seeing me home, he says like everyone on his floor was like DUDE DID YOU GET LAID?!

Haha.  THe people in this world are funny.

I shall attempt to sleep earlier, but apparently some people have a knack for IMing me when I'm about to sign off, and I wanna talk to them so I end up staying up.  Instead of going SHUT UP I'M GOING TO BED.  Yea.

Haha.

Paintballing tomorrow!!! So excited =D  I dunno if any other girls are going (it's for my dorm), but hopefully i'm not the worst player there.

People are jumping up and down upstairs.  THe pounding on the ceiling is getting....annoying.

I is hungry.  I has lost weight.  I needs to swim and run an get in shape.  I is thinking about joining ROTC next year.  THought I'd throw out some of my thoughts.  I probably really need sleep hahahaha.

But seriously, the people I'm meeting are really nice.  Albeit some of these guys are really smooth talkers, but they're really nice people.  I think.  I don't know them well enough yet.

Speaking of people, the dude from today showed me our undergrad library has  A GAMING SECTION. TV, SOFAS, CONSOLES. AWESOMENESSSSS.

I need to buy myself a ps3 one day.  when I get a job.  Or something. Hahahaha.

Why am I up at 3am?

Oh yea, because a million people IMed me when I was about to sign off, and I'm too nice to say "Shut up, I'm going to bed."

Also because they're pretty interesting people.

Haha, I'm probably making a really bad mistake, but let's hope I'm not.

Why the hell am I up.

At least I'm getting a bit of econ done...

MWF

I hate mondays. and wednesdays. and fridays. why?
because i have to get up early
and my cs and econ are ridiculously boring.

even with my laptop.

wutt.

i need to get more sleep. i cant wait until next semester though the worldload is probably gonna be hell.

im seriously falling asleep. have fun you montvillians back in school. Ha.  lolol.  how many inches of snow did you guys end up getting? hope everyones warm and safe and has internet or electricity etc

Huh.

I have a CS midterm in 3 hours. I am really not read if this practice test says anything, and instead I'm still really not working.  Because I feel like I can't study anymore and then this stuff comes along and effs me over.

Luigi pics are on my fb lawl.  I look stupid hahahahahaha.

I will add to this post (hopefully) after my exam.

Tataaaa

-----------------
It's 630 and I'm ridiculously nervous for this exam.  Possibly even more nervous than Econ.  I hope that means I'm somewhat ready for it.  FML.

-----
It was okay. ish. I think. I hope. ARgh.

I need to go swimming.  I need to get in shape. Blah.

Andmy eye needs to stop hurting all the time. Stupid contacts.

REGISTRATION COMPLETE.

Yay!

I'm all set for Spring 2012.  I start classes earliest 10am and its going to be AWESOME.  Except for the 18 credit hours thing.

Fun fun.

Taking:
Intro to Psych
Molecular and Cellular Basis of Life
Chem I & Lab
Stat 100
Intro to Human development

Yay.

I feel like I shouldn't be taking stat 100..i probably shouldnt have to because I took the AP, but hey.  I'll take it and make sure my freaking med school will see i took it in COLLEGE.

Anyways, CS midterm tomorrow night and i'm totally effed cause i just took last year's exam and it was like BOOM. in my face.

exhaustionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

maybe i should really get more sleep

I've been up for a total of 2.5 hours and my head is spinning and i couldnt pay attention very well in CS cause my head hurt so bad.  I should really try and sleep more.  Ellie laughs at me cause I say it so much and it never happens.  Stupid classes.

Anyways.  Registration for me today starting at 1540! =D  Hopefully I can get the classes I want; they all start EARLIEST 10am so i'll (possible, maybe, hopefully?) get more sleep ><

Ew.  Econ. Well, at least I have my laptop so I can get this stuff down and sleep the other half of class.

I'm such a slacker.

Halloween.

Isn't even here yet and I feel like it's passed because my Halloween peak was yesterday.

ILife (my fellowship group) had a halloween party at the DawgHaus, it's just a normal house where a bunch of the guys in ILife live and they named it the DawgHaus.

No drinking!  But it was really nice meeting people and seeing people, even though I really didn't MEET anyone or like, get to know anyone new, but yea.

I went as Luigi. LOL. So Lyndsey and Jess, my two awesomest friends in ILife and here pretty much, the three of us went to Walmart yesterday morning to pick up some stuff, and then it ended with me in a million costumes and then it was either Luigi or Batgirl, and the batgirl woulda been nice if it werent so short and like, I wouldve had to wear tights and it was SO COLD last night.  So I'm kinda glad I went as Luigi.  Was sorta awkward though, it was a freakin onesie.

Yea.  I woke up at 2 today.  Great. Lol.  I have to study.

I miss everyone.

I just realized how much I miss everything and everyone at home.

Bestie and val and ed and chris and lilly and jin and christina and everyone and my cats and my house and not the high school but some of the teachers and fbla and stuff.

It kinda makes me sad.

I can't wait until I get back for Christmas break.

I discovered the cure

to falling asleep during lecture.

JUST BRING MY LAPTOP.  I never fall asleep when I have my laptop on my lap.  Simply because I think the presence of a computer makes me wake up, and I can check out random other things if it gets boring, as long as its not too like. Colorful.  And attention-attracting.

My battery meter is so messed up.  Twenty minutes ago it told me I have like 4.5 hours left.  Now its like, 2 hours left!

Seriously.  I don't get it.  I can't even gauge how long my battery lasts at full potential. blargh. 

I hate mood swings.

Seriously, today has been up and down and up and down.

Mostly up, but kinda down a lot too as you can see fromthe huge complaints and bitching in the previous post.

Yea, I need to learn to deal with people.  Who knows what kinda morons and bastards I'll work with as a (maybe) doctor.

And I definitely am not AM NOT AM NOT going into math.  Seriously.  Calc here got HARD.  We're doing optimization right now, and it's ridiculous.

Out of 20 hw problems, I had to look at the solutions/look at hints for help for about 3/4 of them.  Thats bad.  The test is Thursday.  FML.

I take it back.

She does still get on my nerves.  I feel like she's just using us and when she can have something yummy to eat or something fun or something good, she hangs out with us and tries to be a bestie and such a nice person.

And she does that asian girl thing that when they talk, they try to make their voice cutesy and that grates on my nerves, cause it's okay if it's like, jokingly or like, once in a loooooooong while, like NORMAL.  But with her its a lot.

So this weekend me and rebecca and ellie were planning on going shopping for tons of food cause today i'm making lasagna and spaghetti and we baked.  And so she decides, hey, I'm going to stay with my roommates today, and be like, a bestie.  So when I started to bake with Ellie, she comes out of her room, DOESNT OFFER TO HELP, sits at the counter with her computer and does who knows what.  And then when the cupcakes part of the baking comes out, she's like ohh it smells so good! and immediately wants to eat it.  And i'm like, Dude.  Its hot.  How are you going to eat it.

And now I'm pretty sure she's planning to stay in all day AND for dinner too, meaning I'm going to have to cook without thinking murderous thoughts or my food won't have all the love possible. LOL.  But yea.  In these last 2 months, thats the impression I'm getting from her. Whatever.  She'll start staying out with friends and never being home again.
I need to make more American friends.  Half my friends here are fobs. lawl.

-----

Fuck.  Apparently I'm the only one who cared about the food, so no one else was like, hey maybe we should check the cake, so I'm the only one who was like OH FUCK THE CAKE.  It's a little burned now.

Maybe today's just a bad day, but still.  Why am I the only one to think about this.  It's not only my cake.  Or are they only in it for the fucking food and they don't give a shit about it besides eating the fucking shit.

Okay I'm definitely just having a bad day.  or its PMS.  I dont know.

I think it's just from the bathroommate carried over.

I think this is the most I've cursed in over a month.

---------------------

I complain a lot.  I'm sorry you guys have to read all this.

The people in this world....

Dude.  So my roommate brings a girl and two guys into our suite to like, "hang out," I guess?  And so they're here for like a while.

And one of the guys goes into my bathroom, well I guess mine and hers, and probably pees or whatever.  I wasn't paying attention, I just know a guy went in.

And then I just went in.  And it was kinda gross.  So the seat was up, which is normal cause a guy used the toilet, but then there was a puddle of liquid on the floor next to the toilet, and liquid on the toilet bowl that goes under the seat.  I was like HOLY CRAP OMG WHAT IS THAT.  And I'm kinda like, ewwww I don't wanna clean this up, but I can't exactly go outside and be like WHICH ONE OF YOU BASTARDS MISSED THE TOILET BOWL!?  Though I probably should have.

So I used toilet paper to clean it up with my shoe, and it was kinda yellow.  Meaning it probably was pee.  And I'm totally grossed out and pissed off.  C'mon, dude!  Even if you have really really poor aim, AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO CLEAN IT UP.  Because we're all girls here AND I KNOW IT WAS YOU.

Damn people.

Ugh.  I think I'm gonna go wash my hands a few more times.

Still slighty suffering the effects

I'm such a wuss hahahaha.

But yes, I did drink a ton.  Apparently.  Looking back now I realize it was a lot.

In the span of about 2 hours:

2 jello shots
2 pure vodka shots
2 some juice mixed with vodka shots
1.5 cups of really watery beer
and a few sips of some juice mixed with vodka.

So.  Yea, Val, that would be ideal...and hopefully I can stick to that.  But there wasn't water like, available there.  It was allllll alcohol. Unless I drank from the sink by the beer pong table....

So, lesson learned.  I should just bring my own bottle of water to parties with me from now on.

Today is one of those days

when I declare I will never drink again.

But I won't say that because I know I probably will.

Hungover-ish, but not quite because I know I wasn't drunk last night. But I got pretty close.

Ugh this sucks.

At least I didn't throw up.  Yet.

I'm still in love with shopping.

Which is really somethign.  And I need to keep myself away from the mall for a while.

I bought a pair of skinny jeans too, cause I have ankle boots and stuff, and wearing bootcut jeans isn't working. Hahaha.

I bought these heels Val =P

I think I saw a pair like these in the store in blue, and i was like LILLY'S SHOES.  Yea.  I totally still regret not going to the senior banquet.

But anyways, I should be cramming for my math quiz because somehow, I find the Rolle's thm and MVT and EVT etc section really tough this time around.  Even though it was easy in Phil's class.

But instead I'm talking to you guys.  Well.  One-sided convos are always nice....?

Huh.  It's weird, I'm dressing better (i think) in college now.  Besides the fact that that my mom and I threw out a ton of my clothes, but yea.  I'm dressing slightly better.  I think. I hope.

Apparently I was a total mess and lazy dresser.  Oops.

It's (finally) gotten cold here, the wind is crazy.  I feel like I'm gonna be thrown into the street all the time...yea I'm gonna cram.

And then go to class.

And then come back sleep for an hour go out with the roommates to look at apartments, then come back, cram online hw due at midnight, and then apparently we're supposed to go to a party.  I'm not sure what kind of party this is, and I was told no dress code....

So if any of you see this who've been partyingish before tonight.

Skinny jeans (blue) with a black dressyish top==> that okay? It's sleeveless.  And i'm debating on wearing heels.  And a jacket.  Cause its like 40 degrees out.

SHOPPING IS THE BEST.

Not really, but anyways. I BOUGHT A PAIR OF HEELS TODAY. YESSSSS


like. High.
Heels.

In my size.
FINALLY.

I also spent around 80 bucks today. Which isnt so great.

Thats okay. I think.

Early to CS lab. again.

like i always am.  okay this is slightly odd so i'm going to come back later and finish this post.

I have totally fallen head over heels in love

No joke.  Definitely have.  Absolutely and totally.  I am totally in love with babies and children.

So I went to home fellowship tonight, which is sorta like....small group bonding for church?  And the couple is taking care of two babies AND THEY ARE SO FREAKING ADORABLE.  LIKE. REALLY REALLY CUTE.

I don't know what kind of career I can find that takes care of little babies besides being a neonatologist, or nurse, but I'll talk to my counselor and find out.

Man.  Seriously, I reallllly love them.  And I'm getting more comfortable with myself, so I can act like a total idiot while trying to play with them and comfort them and stuff.  I think it has to do with being totally immersed in an environment where no one knows me, so I feel really comfortable being kinda stupid.

Who knows.

Its 11 and I should really be in bed catching up on the sleep I lost this past week over Econ, but I'm up finishing my math hw which is due at 1159 and I have to take my pre-lecture quizzes for bio. Fun.

I am exhausted.  I promise I will blog when I'm less busy and don't feel like the world is falling on my head.

I slept until 5pm.

15 hours of sleep.  Hell yea.

You make me new

You are making me new.

-------------------------------------------
So instead of sleeping like I should be, and studying for Econ like I should be, I'm here, updating you guys on my boring old life.  Haha, no I'm just getting dizzy from reading all these formulas and numbers for econ.

So last weekend was Fall Retreat, and I have to say, it was pretty freakin awesome.  The people in ILife are really nice and friendly and welcoming, and I already feel like I've made quite a few good friends, or potentially good friends.

The speaker, Tammy Smith, was great too.  She was really engaging, and she got her message across clearly and neatly and it connected with us.  I really feel like I've learned a lot from those 3 hours total we had with her (even if I did pass out for at least 30-60 minutes of those 3 hours...apparently 7/8 hours of sleep in a cabin isn't enough when you're sleeping on a hard mattress), and I'm starting to maybe understand God better.  All in all, very transforming weekend, and I think I'm making progress on my journey with God.

And maybe it's Retreat Fever, like, after you first hear or learn something, you're so set on it and you're like, "YEA I'M GONNA DO THIS AND THAT AND LIFE WILL BE GREAT," but I really feel like I'm connecting a bit more with God and I feel Him with me a lot more and see Him working in my life.  My stupid freakout Sunday night was dumb and really really irrational now that I look back, but God was there, and spoke through Josh and Chris, and then the next day through the people I needed to hear it from.  And I'm glad I went to the Fall Retreat.  I hope this feeling lasts and I can keep walking.

Yea.  That's been my life.

Hahaha.

I've also been thinking about taking piano up again, recently. Maybe not hardcore with lessons and all, but for fun, so I can figure out modern piano music on my own, and play for church and whatnot.  Because, yea, I love violin, but rehearsal is a lot of work, and I apparently don't even feel like practicing between rehearsals.  Which I should really do.

And I feel like my mom's right; I can use piano later in life, just for fun, or to serve God.  And violin....while I could serve God with that, I feel like I could serve him better with piano.

Yea, my thoughts have been pretty religious as of late.  But there's a lot on my mind, and a lot of it I don't want to face.

On a totally different note,
ALL THE GOOD LOOKING GUYS ARE EITHER TOTAL PARTIERS AND NOT LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP OR ARE TAKEN ALREADY.

At least that I know of. Haha.

I love Nutella.  Yummmmm

I should get to the gym downstairs soon.  Since swimming's not an option right now....pool's only open from 11am-1pm right now, and I usually have class....so I go Tuesdays and THursdays when I dont, but lately I haven't gone because there's just been a shitload of work, and tomorrow I need to go to office hours to figure out why I don't get this math thing.  Yea.

I found out that out of all my subjects, I'm pretty much happiest when I'm doing math.  So Actuarial Science was probably a right choice...but I'm going premed.  So let's hope the rest of the premed req courses are enjoyable.

All I am is Yours

Diving back into school after a transformative weekend is hard.

Retreat was a ton of fun.  And I learned a lot and I think it's changed the way I look at things a bit.

It's kind of hard to remember the pillow is red when school consumes my life again, but I'm trying, and it's helping a bit.

It's always really wonderful to see God working in my life.  I did stupid things, and I freaked out yesterday, but today, I saw compassion, and hopefully it's sincere, and I think God's telling me to chill, everything'll be okay.  I'm here.

And I guess I need to remember that.

This post makes little to no sense to you guys.  Thats okay.  I'll explain in a couple days when I have no midterm and don't get home at around 930 to cram for one.

As surely as the sun will rise,
You'll come to us.
Certain as the dawn appears,
You'll come
Let Your glory fall
As You respond to us.
Spirit rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again.
You'll come, You'll come.

My heart's a stereo

Super quick post before I go back to cramming for my Calc exam tomorrow morning at 10am since I got like, 3 hours of sleep last night.


Last post was a major low, and I'm back on my feet.  Yep, I'm trying to be nice and stuff and meet people, and I think if I just give it a bit more time, I'll meet more people.  Maybe not more guys, but definitely girls, haha.

So yes, I'm perfectly okay, and I will take all your suggestions into consideration and stuff when I try to make friends.  Or something.

Yea my brain's not workin so well right now.

I hate a lot of these calc topics.

SEriously.  This test for CALC I is almost everything we learned last year.  ugh.

At least its clearer now.  Phil was kinda a really.....yea.  Randy's so much better.

Off to study and hopefully get in bed before 12 so I can get almost 9 hours of sleep.  We'll see.

Such an epic fail

There are things I have done
There's a place I have gone
There's a beast and I let it run
Now it's running my way.

There are things I regret
That you can't forgive, you can't forget.
There's a gift that you sent
You sent it my way.

So take this night
And wrap it around me like a sheet
I know I'm not forgiven
But I need a place to sleep.

So take this night
And lay me down on the street
I know I'm not forgive but I hope
That I'll be given some peace.

"This Night" Black Lab

------------------------------------------

Last night was such an epic fail.  Thsi dude finally turned 21, and they went out to buy liquor cause we were gonna party for his 21st.  And about 5 of us ran to practically every liquor store/gas station/convenience store around this area for about 1.5 hours.  Then we discovered around 130am that it's a law in Champaign that you can't sell liquor after 12am. Fail.

So we didn't party.

I'm kinda sick of only hanging around asians.  I don't understand a lot of what they say, and they always have to slow it down and explain things to me.  I feel like that sorta annoys them sometimes, but if it doesn't, I feel like I'm already being lumped in the "Chinese" group of people because I'm always with them.

I need white friends.  That I can get to know without thinking about church ideals and stuff.  The dudes from ILife?  They're great, but I'm pretty sure our relationship won't be like, "Hey, let's go party!" "Yea, let's go" or anything of that nature.  Or similar.

And even though it's pretty nice, I kinda hate eating as a suite over the weekends.  They get together and cook, and I CAN'T COOK.  So I feel useless, and it's like I'm just mooching off them and being lazy and just eating and stuff when they're working and cooking.  And I feel like, I can easily eat 3x what they eat.  Seriously.  And I feel pressure to not eat so much, because they don't cook that much because they're all freaking like anorexic practically.  I alone can eat them all off the table.  Minus maybe Rebecca, but honestly, she doesn't eat as much as I could.

Maybe that's why they're all skinnier than me.  They eat so much less than I do.

I love it here, but sometimes I really hate it.  Like today.

Maybe the weather's PMS is starting to affect me.

I hate not knowing anyone or being able to communicate and introduce myself to people because I'm freaking awkward and self-conscious and people are more interested in talking to other people because they're white and pretty and tall and I hate how judge-y the people here seem.

I was in a random group Friday for an IB quiz.  Two girls and one dude.  We sat in a row, so Me Terry Taylor, and really, Terry only talked to Taylor.  So I kinda just.  Did my own work.  Because he and Taylor seemed pretty content to talk things between themselves and not really listen to what I was saying unless they really had no idea.

See what I mean?  And Taylor was blond and pretty.  The girls here may not be super freakin skinny, but they're pretty, and really, that's all that matters because like that "would you rather" question, yea? You'd rather be pretty and fat than ugly and skinny because you can always work off that fat and become pretty and skinny.

And I don't even feel at ease with ILife because really, they're ALL really good friends already, and Jess, the other freshman in the group I hang out with, has been with them longer than me because I've been busy and haven't made Connect group or Saturday Night Grace for the first few weeks, and she's already at ease with them, and I feel like I'm the uptight person when they're all really easy-going and that just sets me apart.  Don't even get me started on the "they're all white and I'm the only asian.  Fred doesn't count because he's a halfie and married to a white girl" thing.

I'm probably a bit happier here than I would've been at Cornell, but I feel like, at Cornell, I would have Josh to sort of....take care of me, and introduce me to some people and I would be a bit more at ease.

Here, it was like, learning to swim the hard way.  I was thrown into the middle of an olympic sized pool and was told, "Learn how to swim or drown."

And right now?  I feel like I'm drowning a bit more than swimming.

I love my roommates, but right now, I really wish I'd been put in a different suite.

Maybe I'm too dependent, who knows, but I really hate how friendless I feel all the time.

Today's on fire

The sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered
I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day
And still,
Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn


"What it is to burn" Finch


---------------------------------------------------------


Today was hell.  In the morning /afternoon anyways.


So I was up late studying for the Econ quiz I was freaking out about, and then didn't sleep until like, 3?  So I fell asleep around 330, my alarm was for 630.  Guess what I did?  I did Tiff.  I turned it off when it rang and went back to sleep.  Thank God I had another one set for 730; I set another 30 minutes before class so I knew when about I needed to head out.  I woke up, freaked out, brushed my teeth and sprinted out the door.  Not fun.


And then I came back to my room and crammed for the bio quiz and math quiz.  Bio was actually kinda hard...my group and I didn't really know the answers =\  It was like, reading check, but we'd never learned the stuff before so it was like, "eh??"  But then Econ was like, WTF.  I studied SO HARD AND YOU MADE IT SO EASY?  Most of it was anyways.


Math was.  eh.  3 questions, I think I got half right, one totally right, and one....mostly right?  Who knows.  IT's okay.  As long as I do better on the rest, I can drop that and one more score as my lowest. 


Today was ICE SKATING. SO MUCH FUN. OMG. WHY DIDN'T I GO EARLIER.  I only fell once (YES) and managed to pretty much get it going!  I'm so happy hahahaha.  And there were a lot of hot/cute guys there ;P


What else?  I'm so tired haha.  Not much sleep last night...I'm skipping worship tomorrow I think.

The food here is eh.  It's a rather small dining hall cause this is a private housing thing, but the food's usually pretty decent!  The roommates are great, I think I'm kinda misjuding Evelyn.  She's a great girl, maybe I dont' like her habits a bit, but she's really a great person.

Btw, haha, I"m not in Chicago!  I'm actually maybe like 3 hours away?  But no city-strolling or anything really....it's so easy to get lost around here.....

I have no ideas or creativity at this time of the night....It's like, 4 am to my body.  Haha.

I think we're going apartment hunting or viewing tomorrow....we're thinking about moving next year, but we'll see.  I kinda like it here.  It's....spoiling me. hahahaha.

-----------------------------

You know I'm a crazy bitch
I do what I want when I feel like it.

"Smile" Avril Lavigne

I'm writing again, these letters to you

On much I know
But I'm not sleeping and you're not here
The thought stops my heart

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away? 




"Letters to You" Finch


-----------------------------------------------------------


Haha I love reading everyone's comments.  They make me laugh and smile and make me forget about the stupid things due tomorrow.  Yay. =)


I'm pretty sure I'm only busy now just because the courses are gaining momentum and its midterm time...I hope.  But I'm attempting to get my GPA as high as possible for med school, so I'm probably just screwing myself over by making things more complicated and so it makes me seem busier?  Who knows.


I totally would hit on the cute dudes if I knew how to flirt.  Intentionally flirt I mean.  But they're ALWAYS in groups (minus the CS dudes) so I kinda....don't want to go near them. Hahaha.


CS, btw, sorry I didn't say earlier, is Computer Science. Haha. Fun class. Not.  My TA is pretty useless, and what you learn in lecture isn't totally helpful with excel formatting.  And Office is necessary cause the hw stuff only works with office =\  I tried. Hahaha.  Oh well, I got it for $65, Professional Plus 2010, too!  Awesome deal. AND I GOT IT TODAY.  I CAN DO MY HW. FINALLY.


I just realized I actually have quizzes all tomorrow.  In-lecture quiz during IB, then Econ quiz, then weekly math quiz.


Oh. Tangent.  My TA for math is so cute.  Well.  I think so.  Good-looking is a better word. He has glasses and stuff, but he doesn't look really nerdy....


Back on track.  I keep thinking it's like 1 am, but it's only 1035.  Knowing me, the next time I look at the clock it's gonna be like 2 am and I'll still have to study for something.


But anyways.


Next order of business.  Friends.  Uh.  I haven't made many?  There's my roommates, Rebecca, Evelyn, and Ellie.  I share a bathroom with Evelyn, who's also in my major.  They're all from China, but EVelyn's been in the US for the last two years for a private girl's school in MA.


They're also really skinny.  Rebecca's build seems bigger though, but thats just cause she's so tall.  Otherwise, she's REALLY SKINNY TOO.  That's okay.


Hm.  Other friends.....really no one so far, sorta.  Because I still haven't really met anyone in class/lab/discussion because most of the time, they don't allow the time to meet people and talk to them.  But ILife, the Christian group I'm thinking about joining, is really friendly and I've made a friend or two?  Lyndsey, who is reeeeeeeeeeally nice and funny, and possibly Jess.  Still iffy because I've really only seen them like, 3x so far.  And met lots of other people like Kate and Ross and Kirk and Wade? and Fred and Eric and Lauren and more that I can't think of at the moment.  But yea.  We'll see.


And I don't know how to update you guys on hot guys =\  I see a few every day, or at least some decent guys, but that's just on the streets.
OH. TODAY. I WENT SWIMMING. CUTE LIFEGUARD.AHHHHHH. Not on the lifeguard seat though, there's like, another desk on the deck another guard sits at.  Dunno if he talks to everyone that walks by, but he talked to me =D and i was totally like, out of it because I was checking out the sauna, but it was coooool.  He was cute.  Why are all the lifeguards at UIUC cute?!


Hm.  What else.....
Ah.  @Val:  Haha, I think you misread something about rushing?  I didn't rush actually haha, I meant sprinting everywhere XD  Maybe I wrote it oddly....though I did contemplate joining a pre-med frat, but then I decided it was too competitive and too hard-core for me so I'll just be Tiff at Presby who's attempting to get into med school. Yup.


MOONCAKE WAS SO GOOD. I put one in the freezer cause I'm never gonna eat it fast enough, and now i have 3/4 of one left =D yummmmmmmmmmmmm


I don't know what else to blog about? Ask away hahahaha feed me ideas!


Off to study.  Sort of.


BTW
SKype: manganime821


add!  I'll be happy to vidchat =)

I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost, no longer the same.
And I can see you starting to break
I'll keep you alive if you show me the way.
Forever and ever the scars will remain.
I'm falling apart
Leave me here forever in the dark.
God, help me I've come undone
Out of the light of the sun.

Give me a sign.

-BB

---------------------------------------------------

So the weather here is like....a woman in menopause.  Or PMSing.  Whichever works for you.  Two weeks ago, it was nice and sunny and warm and beautiful.  Then last week, it got a little depressed and less sunny, a little cloudy, and a bit chillier.  Then yesterday, it was gorgeous.  Today?  Lalalala, what a beautiful morning, lalala HOLY SHIT RUN FOR COVER SAVE MY BOOKS.  It poured.  Yea, light rain my ass, weather forecast.

So I had fun trekking halfway across campus in flip flops that have like, no sole, carrying a violin, and trying not to slip and make a fool of myself.

Anyways, the next few days, I might not be blogging cause I just realized I have a shitton of stuff to do.  Econ quiz Friday, then I'll be out most Saturday, IB exam Monday, and then math exam Thursday, and then a shitton to cram in before the weekend because I'll be gone all weekend and I have another midterm when I get back and a ton of excel problems to hand in that monday.  Fun.

I'm so stupid.  I need Office to do my CS hw, the one due next Monday, and I dont have it.  So I bought it a couple days ago, and they say it'll arrive in 3-10 days.  FML.  Guess I'll be trekking to the library to do it.....Hm.  I was gonna go tomorrow and then I just realized Econ quiz friday and I have fellowship tomorrow night.  Guess not.

This is almost equivalent to HS end of MP.  But more free time and stuff.  Maybe I shouldn't go swimming tomorrow then. Nope, nvm.  I have to.  Or I'll just keep eating and then I'll get fat, and the next time ya'll see me I'll be Violet Beauregarde after she chews the gum.  Just...not as blue.  Or purple.  Whatever color she was.  Blue, I think it was.  Right.

Yes, I just looked up Charlie and the Chocolate factory to find out what her name was.

My roommate is making lots of banging noises nextdoor.  Or maybe thats just all I hear because I'm listening to music pretty loudly with my earbuds in.  I need new earbuds too...they're getting old and gross and yea.

I saw cute dudes in my CS lab =D  I totally don't know how I missed them before, but they're cuuuuuute.  Hahaha

We're marchin' on.

Wow, I must be getting less sleep than I thought, or I'm just not getting enough vitamins.  I just napped for a good 2 hours.

Okay nevermind, I'm just tired a bit.  2 hours is nothing compared to what I can usually do on a tired basis, so I blame lack of vitamins, so I just took some =)

And MOONCAKE OMG SO YUMMY.  And my dad bought it for us, but apparently really the only person who takes the initiative to eat it is me....so I'll be eating to my heart's content since apparently mooncake has a LOT of calories and two of my roommates eats about 1/3 of what I can eat, and Rebecca's I think feeling the pressure from them.

That's okay.  I'm exercising somewhat regularly.  I'm eating it.  Before it goes bad.  Yummmmm

Into the darkness You shine

Out of the ashes we rise
There’s no one like You
None like You




And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against? 




"Our God" Chris Tomlin


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The worship music here is pretty freakin cool.  I've never heard most of them, but its awesome learning new stuff, and the band is pretty awesome too hahaha


Anyways, nothing has happened between...Saturday and today?  Besides classes today, and now I'm loaded with work again.


Lots to do in the next two weeks, with midterms and random quizzes and online homeworks due, and I'll be away from school for a whole weekend for Fall Retreat =D


When I decide to do something two weeks in advance, I find out I don't have Office and I can't do the hw without it.  THWARTED FROM BEING A GOOD STUDENT.


Haha.  But seriously, since I've gotten to college, I actually kinda do my work.  I'm already studying for a quiz Friday, and in HS I woulda been like, fuck that shit, I'll study Thursday night!  The wonders of college and having nothing better to do....  I am most definitely behind everyone in the going out department; haven't been out to parties or met random people in a random frat or sorority yet, and I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.  Good because now I'm not meeting sleazy dudes, but I feel like I'm just holing myself up in my room.


Hm.


Back to studying for Macro.  Yay....

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things
Out of dust.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things
Out of us.

-----------------------------------------

Karaoke was fun =D

Last night was large group worship (for the first time) and it was interesting!  More...people friendly than church back home...
And then afterwards, I met more people, and Erik was being kinda creepy and interrogated me on Ross' car on the way to Buffalo Wild Wings.

Yea.  It was a bit awkward, but hey, they're friendly.  And I'm pretty sure they're all like jrs though, so I won't see them for much longer =\

But I'm making friends!  And I'm gonna go to their konnect group, which is small group fellowship, so I'll be meeting people and fellowshipping and it'll all be good.

My mom is still being a freakout mom though, and it's beginning to grate on my nerves.....

Wushu is good for suicide by exhaustion

I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Tell the world I'm coming home.
Let the rain wash away
All the pain of yesterday.
I know my kingdom awaits
And they've forgiven my mistakes.
I'm coming home, I'm coming home.

"Coming Home"

-----------------------------------------

So I went to wushu yesterday with Rebecca (one of my suitemates).  It was fun.  Sort of.

So we did split stretches and they pull your legs apart and it hurts like a motherfucking bitch.  Not kidding.  I was practically crying after the stretches.

But other than that, and the fact that I have no ability to coordinate and think and jump and kick at the same time, it was fun!  I'm going to join this instead of racquetball I think....

Karaoke tonight with the roomies and others =D

-----------------------------------------

I feel like a total jerk and I hate myself and how I have to be the one to say no.

This one's for you and me

Living out our dreams, we're all right where we should be.
With my arms out wide, I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters.

"Lighters"

-----------

...
...
Sometimes I wonder why God does things.  Like.  Why now?  Why not later.

I feel like every time it happens, I don't know what to do because I hate hurting people, and I hate making it awkward, and both are inevitable.

I'm glad I didn't rush this time.  Because last time I did and I completely regretted it a month later.  (In my life, a month=1 week with the amount of time I have to think about things other than school...)
I'm glad I asked Josh and my friends.  They're always always so supportive and I love them so much.  And I know they want what's best for me and what makes me happy.  They're advice is awesome, like always, and makes me think about things I never thought about before.

On a totally separate note, WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS 4 HUGE (by huge i mean bigger than me) DUDES IN THE SAUNA WHENEVER I FINISH SWIMMING.  IT INTIMIDATES ME AND I NEVER WANT TO GO IN.  Ugh.  Thwarting my plans to relax after swimming.

On the other totally separate note, there was a totally hot dude swimming today, and he was pretty good!  I think. Hahahahaha.
And why are all the girls here blond, brunette, really tall, skinny, and pretty!?  It does stuff to my self-esteem T_T
I get hit a lot and walked into a lot here cause I'm so tiny and the people here are freakin giants.

Right.  Off to class I go!

Nevermind

I'll find someone like you.

"Someone like you," Adele

-----------------------------

Life is practically the same everyday here, it's getting a bit boring.  Mondays and Wednesday are frantic rushing to get everywhere all the time.  And then I'm either holed up in my room cause it's too hot out (or cold now I guess), or holed up in my room because I have honestly nothing better to do.

I have my first IB exam tomorrow.  Fun, fun.

Oh, which reminds me.  I got tipsy for the first time the night of my birthday XD  I'm pretty much a lightweight I think?  Not sure how much was in that drink, but yea.  It was an interesting experience, hahaha.

College is high school.

Just shoot for the stars if it feel right,
Then aim for my heart if you feel like,
and take me away, make it okay
I swear I'll behave.

"Moves like Jagger," Maroon 5

----------------------------------


That song is ridiculously catchy.
I went through Walmart yesterday singing that song for a good hour and a half.

Anyways, my revelation of the week: college is just like high school.  Just a tad more serious in the sense that if I fail one grade, I'm fucked for the rest of the semester.

Meaning, that if I wanted to avoid the "fucked" part, I have to drop the class, but that would put me under "full-time student" time and I'd be screwed even more.  And most likely won't be able to graduate in 4 years, which is looking really impossible already with all the actuarial science requirements and premed reqs.

The week has been...normal.  Nothing happens.  People party every night (and I still can't figure out where they are, or make friends with partiers!) and seem to have a lot of friends....

I just sit in my class and basically ignore everyone cause they're all ignoring me. Yay.

I'm considering joining racquetball.  And I bought shooting glasses yesterday, and today I look online and find out I shouldn't use those for airsofting.  Which means they're probably not great for racquetball either...I'll ask at practice today.

I always come here intending to write a lot for you guys, but really thinking about college and the last week gives me nada.  Nothing happens here.  There's just a ton of procrastination because I have one online hw due at midnight, sleeping (usually) before 12, waking up at around 7 everyday, and studying.  Like I should be now.  I'm such a nerd.

It's finally sort of turning into fall here.  The last couple weeks were hell; it was so freaking hot and sunny.  But today's windy ish and kind nice.  Yayyyyyy

More later.  Probably after wednesday when I fail my IB exam. Hahahaha.
---------------------

I just saw the comments to my last post, haha.

Yes I'm making friends.  Very very slowly.  Like. One every other week.  Maybe.
But it's not so bad....


And parties are like, SHORT SKIRT SHORT DRESS STRIPPER HEELS OR SANDALS.

I have none of the skirt/dress things, but I do have nice wedges.

So, I have to make friends with partiers.  So I can borrow their clothes. XD

BUT SUITS AND TETRIS IS SO GOOD.  And it kills the extra time i have pretty much every day.....


Love you guys lots hahaha <333333

College Days 1-7

I'M SORRYYYYYY

I know I promised to blog more to keep ya'll updated..but me being me, I didn't.  Sorry! Please don't throw things at me T_T

Anyways, I moved in last Wednesday, and classes started yesterday!  People party EVERY NIGHT here.  I'm not joking.  Since I got here, there've been parties somewhere that everyone on the streets seems to be going to...and me being me and lame and a freshman and not knowing anyone, I go back to my room and play tetris and watch Suits.

The weather here SUCKS.  It's either super sunny and also ridiculously hot, or its cloudy and nice temperature, or it's got massive PMS (like now) and goes from not-too-sunny-and-nice-breeze-and-temperature to BOOM BOOM BOOM WIND RAIN RAWR.

Seriously.

The first night I got here, the frat across the street blasted their awesome music until 7 am, which wasn't so awesome.  I woke up at 630 and couldn't go back to sleep.  The second night, some idiot on the 6th floor didn't put water in her easy-mac and the entire building had to evacuate.  At 4am.  Okay, she might be really smart, and just be suffering bad judgement at 4am, but seriously.  Since then, sleeping's been much easier and uninterrupted.

And people here seem to not to want to talk to me a lot...at least the people I plop down next to in class.  It's kinda odd.  I try to start a convo and they just......ONE WORD ANSWERS AND IGNORED. WHUT.
But thats okay.  I met this dude today in Math221 named Tim who keeps talking.  So that's pretty awesome. Even if he does seem like the person who kinda gets on everyone's nerves all the time?  He amused me though, so fingers-crossed, its the beginning of a friendship.

The PRIDE meeting I went to last night was overwhelmingly fabulous and hyper. PMS I TELL YOU OMG THIS WEATHER IS CRAZY.  Sorry.  Huge crash of thunder just now and i seriously almost fell out of my chair.
Anyways, the people there are very....exciting.  But I feel sorta out of place and awkward?  I like being there...it's just not completely my thing.  They have a party this Saturday, themed "90's flashback" and I would totally go. If I knew anything about the 90's besides that I was an adorable, chubby little tyke.

And I'm totally getting in shape without trying.  The walks everyday are crazy and I have a semi-heavy backpack on my back, so ABS HERE I COME.  Sort of.

I need a life. I need friends.  I need to find out where the parties are and then get party clothes.  Yea, that's my plan.  Time to go have no life again and do my homework due at the end of the week because I have really nothing better to do.  My plan to tan on the balcony was shot down by Booming Weather, so off to do Calculus I go.

Ta!

Time of my Life

So there's only about a week and a half before I leave.  I can't believe the summer has gone by so fast....

And I can't believe college textbooks are so freaking expensive.

Remember this feeling

Long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you.

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring all the pretenders; I'm not afraid.

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

I was screaming, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders; one day, we will be remembered.

"Long Live" by Taylor Swift

---------------

Suddenly life seems so much shorter than it did a month ago.  I'm beginning to realize I've just ended a chapter in my life and a new door is opening in just 29 days.  And those days go by in the blink of an eye.

I suppose it's fitting I've spent most of my summer packing.  I'm leaving behind my childhood in Montville and journeying towards a lifetime in Illinois and wherever else my studies take me.  My family's packing with me, and maybe in about a year, our home will be in Illinois.

Even though I love the people here and I cherish the memories this house holds for me, I'm really rather glad I'm leaving the East Coast and moving somewhere brand new.  There are so many things here I desperately want to leave behind and forget ever happened.  Despite those dark moments, I love the way everything here has shaped me into who I am.  Mostly everything, anyway.

I'm living in a unit (it's not called a suite for some reason...possibly because the entire residence hall is units and has no single rooms) with 3 other Chinese girls.  None of us have roommates, but we're unit-mates, which works for me.  I kind of wish I was paired with other nationalities though; being around Asians isn't what I call 'expanding my horizons' and 'meeting new people' even if they are new people.  I've been around Chinese and Asians my entire life; I'd like a chance to meet different kinds of people.  Montville isn't very diverse, and this is my time.  But I'm glad for Evelyn and Ellie and Unknown because they seem like great girls and hopefully we'll become great friends.

I feel like I'm saying goodbye forever, but that's probably the case.  Some of you I'll never see again because circumstances won't allow it, and some of you I'll only see maximum 5 more times before years and years go by and we'll be strangers by the time we see each other again.  

So I hope I do better in the future and blog more often so you guys know what's going on in my life halfway across the country, and I make some time to sit down and read all your posts.  But even this is slightly one-sided, and for those of you I might not see anymore, this is my good-bye to you.

I love you, don't forget how wonderful and fabulous you are, believe in yourself, and don't worry too much =)  You'll do fabulously on everything, and I wish you the best of luck in all you do.

My posts have been sort of depressing as of late, haven't they.

Death by Boredom

I almost spelled boredom wrong.  That's quite....disturbing.

So these last few days, I've been in IL with my dad and Josh, living it out like the sick Illinoisians we are.  Not really.  We drove down to Ohio and stopped at my aunt's Saturday, and she took me shopping and bought me tons of stuff that my cousin paid for instead?  And then we drove here on Sunday.

I never knew true boredom until I lived here.  No joke, I can't do anything.  I don't have my laptop cause it was being repaired (it arrived home yesterday, yay!) and my dad and brother both use their laptops rather often so no technology for me =(  we also have no tv cause my dad doesn't watch it, so no need for one.

I brought along five books with me because I knew I would have a lot of downtime here.  One huge-ass Tom Clancy book, Rainbow Six, and four of Brian Jacques' Redwall series.  I finished the almost 1000 page, tiny print Clancy book yesterday here and one of Jacques'.  That is how much time i have here.  Seriously, I read for7.5 hours straight.  Which is the most in forever, and it felt awesome to, but man, it gets boring.

Monday night was the Peoria fireworks, and it kicked ASS.  Its a bajillion times better than the ones we have at home, and everyone was so much more enthusiastic too!  We were practically right under them, mistake on our part, now we know where not to sit next year, but there were so many people, it was crazy.  And the mosquitos here are massive and flock to the light. It's gross.

But besides the ridiculous amount of time I spend bored and the huge-ass bugs, it fucking rocks here.  It's so open and the people are so nice.  And it's really sunny and hot, but hey, that's awesome.  My dad's apartment complex even has a fitness room.  Fuckyea.  And a pool they're not done with yet, so hopefully I can swim in it =D  But it's outdoors.  What a pity.  I'll be an idiot and swim in it in the winter ;P

I also apparently have a penchant for smashing my head against things: once against the balance at a grocery store (everyone turned to look at me cause there was this huge crash) and the next day against my dad's kitchen counter.  I think I'm losing brain cells.  Anyone want to donate some?

I'm tired of feeling so numb. Relief exists.

I find it when I am cut.

------

Graduation is in a week.  I can't wait, but it's too soon all the same.

I will miss every single one of you, and I wish you guys a lot of luck on your finals and your college application process.  You'll all do fabulously.

------

Come, break me down.
Marry me, bury me,
I am finished with you.


<3 Lots of love,
Tiff