...i learned somethign new today

apparently i mumble to myself. like shinji from prince of tennis. but i dotn think to that extent. and i'm not aware of it.

either that, or my mom and i have a misunderstanding.

but apparently my cousin says i do that too.

i really don't believe it. do i seriously mumble and in the mumbling put myself down?
i need feedback guys lol
do i seriously talk/mumble to myself ????

apparently it snowed????

HAPPY THANKGIVING EVERYONE!!! =D =D

I'm super thankful for having all of you as my friends!  And getting to know some of you better this year!

So eat lots, but don't kill yourselves.
If you like turkey, enjoy it!  If you don't (like me)....ENJOY YOUR SUBSTITUTE CHICKEN. or whatever else you eat instead haha!

So if you're too school for cool

Hahaha

So as many of you know as I was whining about it all day, a new kid transferred in. He's a sophomore...I think.  Anyways I met him over the summer during a quartet job for Dr. Fried's welcoming party.  Alex is Dr. Cortellino's son.  anyways.  So he took care of the quartet, etc...and told me he was possibly going to transfer to MTHS this year. So i was like, cool!

And then promptly forgot that bit.

So today I ran into him at the guidance office before school..and looked him straight in the eye, gave him a little smile cause I do that whenever I meet someone's eyes, and then on with my business.  I was like, oh he looks reallllllly familiar.  Must be from the musical every year... and that just kept bugging me cause I couldn't place him.  And then when we walked out together and he went one way and I went the other...it hit me like a ton of brick.s OF COURSE. And then I wasn't sure if his name was Alex so I didn't know what to do.  So I felt stupid and mean for the rest of the dday....until i ran into him in front of the swimming bus.  He was looking for Rte 13, wchih i have noooo idea what bus that is.  And then told him the buses are over there (showed him where) and said BYE SEE YOU TOMORROW and jumped on the swimming bus. Lmfao. I'm so mean. I just...ditched him.  I feel terrible.  Thats okay. I'll run into him again and properly introduce MTHS to him...or somethign. I dunno. hahaha poor kid..

Man, his hair was sticking up and all instead of slicked back so I was like, he loooks reallllllyy familiar. No shit. Anyways..it could probably also have been partly due to i saw him all dressed up and snazzy in his suit, but today he was in like..flannel and jeans and wild hair and all. Interesting kid.

Mini rant: I HATE THE WAY SOME BOYS SWAGGER AROUND LIKE THEY CAN WALK HOWEVER SLOW THEY WANT. I got stuck behind like two of them today in my rush to get to my locker at the end of the day so I wouldn't miss the swimming bus. ugh. Just my opinion..i tend to walk pretty fast.

Anyways. Stats quiz/test thing tomorrow..I wil definitely fail.  And i gotta do some stupid spanish story...and then Macbeth essay! yay. loverly. ew. Ugh. I complain too much.

PS. I honestly don't think Finland and me will work out.  1. I don't know all his sides; he acts totally different with me. 2. We barely talk anymore, and before, when we did, it really wasnt..significant.

I will ponder on more reasons. But even though we might match...we don't quite..click. Properly. I dunno how to describe it.  And I kinda feel like..I don't even plan to think about having a serious serious relationship with him at all in the future. Probably like, a relationship, but not one that I would expect to last very long or anything.  I don't think I could stand the fact that he cares so little for school and how he's so relaxed.  Even though thats sorta what I want to balance out my freakouts and my obsession with school..I don't need it to his extent.  He's smart, yea, but he just doesn't work, and that kinda bugs me sometimes.  Not to mention how disrespectful he can be.  I dunno. Maybe I just don't know him well enough.  I sound so pessimistic.  Sure, I like him...but I wonder if we would even work.  He's so much more open with everyone else...coughmargaritascough. Well maybe not open..but possibly more relaxed talking to them.  I honestly think he just treats me like a noona.

Depressing thoughts.

Well off to study stats...so I don't pull a freakin allnighter. Ugh. I have piano tomorrow. ew. T_T

Off to cry in the corner and guzzle down mountain dew so i can stay awake....

T_T

"So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways
All my underdogs, we will never never be
Anything but loud
And nitty gritty
Dirty little freaks
Won't you come on, and come on, and
Raise your glass
Just come on and come and
Raise your glass."
-"Raise Your Glass," P!nk

Coach is stupid. Coach needs to get whacked upside the head.
T_T our attempt to save people failed.
Coach sucks.
I get where he's coming from..but still. =\

So I didn't totally fail math..but I didn't do as well as I wanted to. So my grade in calc is ehhhhhhhhh.
I'm so scared to check genesis and find out my final spanish grade. XD

I've been feeling blahhhhhh-like these last few days...T_T I think I overstressed myself. i do this all the time. Like, last year after midterms, i got soooo sick with fever and all with major cold or something. But I think it was cause I overheated >.< But I feel so poopy right now i don't know if I really want to do anything...

I just realized P!nk talks about panty-stealers in that song. hahahahahahaha. funny funny.

God, the boys on the team this year are RETARDED. No joke. MINUS A FEW PEOPLE. Seriously. The guys in my lane don't know the meaning of swim or move over. Ugh.  I keep swimming onto people and the guys in my lane must punch or something, cause both Anna and I got like socked while we swam.
I'm thinking about just being dead last in the varsity lane from now on..I'll die, but at least I'll get shit done.

I should stop procrastinating.

I'm not a fucking machine.
I can't keep on working.
I need breaks.
I need time.
So stop fucking thinking I should be working every fucking minute of the fucking day.
Thank you very much.

I'd really appreciate it if you would just listen to me sometimes.
I say things a lot
But you don't hear them because you don't want to.
(And you accuse me of doing that?)
So please open up your ears and listen to what I fucking say sometimes.
Your temper tantrums when you finally hear what I say
Really aren't appreciated or well-liked.

I do the best I can.
I'd appreciate it if you would just realize that, goddammit.
I'd like some freedom and some support
If that's really not too much to ask.
So won't you be kind
And just get off my back sometimes?

I'm not a fucking machine
I'm not a fucking perfect child
So if you would just see me for who I am
If you would hear me when I speak
Instead of seeing what you want
And hearing what you want
It would be a nice breath of fresh air.
And perhaps my temper would improve.
Now wouldn't you like that?

Crisiss

^^ isn't that the name of something to do with Final Fantasy...? haha i can't remember.

Anyways.

So MPineapplez informed me today that Margaritas have invaded.  And since we've had past scares with Tall Jam, and Pacman, and probably someone else I'm forgetting, I've put myself in the mindset that them liking Finland really really doesn't bug me. After all, what can I do about it, right? I can't just go up to them and be like BACK OFF. Seriously. Free world here.
Tall Jam, Pacman, etc people really didn't bug me. Seriously. Not lying. I don't know them that well..and I don't see their interactions with him, so I didn't care.
But then...Margaritas. If I'm completely honest, she bugs me. Probably because she's pretty well-rounded..in like. everything. Academics, i dunno bout sports, personality is great. So yea.  I dunno. I'm trying not to think about it and let it bother me..but it's not working so well, now that i've decided to be honest with myself.

First two days of swimming were great! No soreness really. But some of these people need to stop hanging out at the shallow end! KEEP SWIMMING DAMMIT. and if you can't, THEN TELL PEOPLE TO GO IN FRONT OF YOU. I refuse to keep swimming on top of some dude's legs when theres a HUGGEEE gap between the leader of the lane and the last person! And i hate kicking people in the head because YOU are not swimming.
Ugh.
Last year's guys were so fast. i mean the new guys last year. This year...they're rather slow xD
But other than that, awesome time =)

Dear Beloved Readers

and Journal I suppose,


I hate Asian parents.

The end.


With all the love in the world,
Tiff Liu

"I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the brush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in"
~"Come On Get Higher," Matt Nathanson

We baked today =)
It was really really really fun. And super sugary. Yummmm
And then MPineapple stopped by!!!  We all had a ton of cookies =D

So swimming starts next week. I need to start eating healthy and start working on like...muscles. XD
That won't happen.
I'll probably just sit here until swimming starts and then die first day of tryouts and then be super sore Tuesday. That's alright. It's always that way. And the sore feeling feels so good. Even though it's sorta painful and stuff.
Does that make me masochistic?

It's getting really really cold out. Ew. T_T
Chocolate!!!!♥♥♥

There is no such thing as something being too sweet. Unless its super rich and thick and really sweet. Then that's kinda pushing it. Like the brownies/fudge thingys ASO had. Those were kinda pushing it.
But I have a huuuuuggggeeeeeee sweet tooth. which Po-lun, one of my chinese school kids, keeps pointing out since Halloween.  He's very odd. He's very attached to me. Haha. Its kinda disturbing when he kinda..invade my personal space. Cause he's only a little shorter than me...so it makes it REALLY AWKWARD when he's like an inch away from me. He probably doesn't think so, he's only 10, but its SO UNCOMFORTABLE sometimes.
I think he did say that once. When he was like.....jumping me. I panicked hahahaa he was THAT close so i just shoved him away by the shoulders. Poor kid...but he was kinda looking for it XD

I love my kids. They're so adorable and such pains in the ass, but they're cute pains.  I love how the entire class is so separated, boys against girls.  Minus Tammy.  But like..the girls are like GAH THE BOYS ARE SO ANNOYING. and the boys go GAH THE GIRLS ARE SO ANNOYING. So needless to say...I'm hanging out with the boys a lot.  Mostly because they're the troublemakers. And the girls sit ALLLL the way across the room from my little resting area ><

Ew. Rutgers essay. Man I'm so far behind.  Hopefully I can finish that one today...and then re-research all my college essays. This part of the year freakin SUCKS.

"If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark"
~"I Will Follow You Into the Dark," Death Cab for Cutie

"I can feel you all around me"
~"All Around Me," Flyleaf

SO FINLAND RESPONDED TO MY TEXT FROM LIKE 3 DAYS AGO.
He said his phone was out of batteries. >< haha.

I have decided my attraction to Joel is purely his hair. and his chillness.
Finland is still the top of my list.

OH. i promised to blog about STranger.

So a few weeks ago, maybe a month, he gave me this wooden heart he made himself during Woods class. And i was like. uh. okay......and then my mom found it a week or so ago since its just sitting on her desk cause i dunno where to put it. and then she was like what is this!? And i'm like iono..and she's like SO UGLY. For lack of better translation haha.
 And then my mom a few days ago, was helping me tear apart my work area to find my stupid driving permit. And then saw it again. and goes, "why is this here??" and i go, because I don't know what to do with it. and she's like "throw it out!" like its the most obvious thing in the world. lmao.
its terrible, but i kinda found it sorta funny XD

So yes thats the story.

Joel is either ignoring my fb chat message question or he's actually prepping for his speech thing.
Anyways.

Skillettttt♥
Yay tea party day tomorrow =)


"I'm so addicted to all the things do"
~"Addicted," Saving Abel

lalalala. ITS SUGARRRRR

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

-"Monster," Skillet

Awesome song. I love them. So good.

So anyways, there's this huge candy store down at Atlantic city. I can't remember if i mentioned it before. It's called "It's Sugar." It's so awesome. TONS of candy.  Needless to say, I bought a bag of candy and am currently slowly munching my way through it. I  have such a sweet tooth. Hopefully no cavities haha.

So I realized today that being in ASO this year and socializing with more guys has dumped me in a pond and scooped me outta the little puddle we call Montville. Meaning I met more guys. And I realized just how bad Montville pickings are.From my perspective i mean. I am not insulting you guys!  I'm saying the majority of guys in Montville are kinda.....not my type at all.  And rather unappealing. I still love a lotta you though.

IE. Joel. He's freaking smart and really rather good at cello. Even though he's not like Sam Oh awesome or anything, he's normal. He's human. And really rather fun to be around.  spencer reid-like hair gives him points too hahaha.

Patrick. He's not someone I would wanna date..but he's pretty funny and interesting. 
Felix, Chris, Dan. Really interesting people. Really really really interesting people...hahahaha.
But yea. I realized just how many guys are out there.

And I think that revelation and the ASO trip started to push me in a moving on direction. I feel like pursuing Jin really isn't getting me anywhere.  Sometimes he seems interested....other times I feel like i'm bugging him and he's pissed off at me.  I can never tell. And I dont think he knows all of me. like the me thats crazy happy. Or the side thats really sarcastic and rude. or mean.  And somehow I don't know if he'll accept that. He's already got this image of a very innocent girl.

But we'll see. Wednesday. let's see if seeing him again will change my mind.  I just feel like meeting Joel and some other guys really opened my eyes to all the guys out there...Even if I do get over Jin, I'll probably still ask him to prom. Just as friends.

Who knows. I just really need t find a way to meet more people and get out more. Really. I'm too...My house is under a boulder. I need to blow that boulder up.

Moving on.

Swimming starts soon!  Man, I'm soooo psyched.  No joke. Just not about dry land preseason......ugh. I don't want to run. But it'll probably help a bit. But STILL. Gah.  I can't go tomorrow...got driving right after school...but I can probably do Wed and Friday. But thats such a depressing thought. RUNNING. Seriously.
MPineappleeee are you going????

LETS RUN OVER HARRY POTTER IN THE LANES TOGETHER.
If he makes the team that is....well. I'll run him over during tryouts.]
Muahahaha.

Oh so I got this post on my formspring asking why I'm such a bitch to him/her sometimes, and then do i just forget what i said or do i have deja-vu-itis. I'm willing to bet that was him. I'm only really mean to him. And sometimes Abbi, but Abbi wasn't mad at me anymore and she knows that its just our tempers. And I love her all the same.

And she said it wasnt her. so i'm believing that.

But i laughed when i read that question.
~~

Story books full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

When clouds will rage 

And storms will race in but you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down, waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you

Clouds will rage, and storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down, waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms.

 -"In my Arms," Plumb

ASO

So All state is over. Until next sunday. But its pretty much done =(

I really miss it. Despte the 10 hours total rehearsal a day, it's really really fun. And really interesting. Plus you can catch naps in between during your 120+ bar rests (haha 2nds) or 94/96 measures of rest (XD cellos) so its really nice. Or when Mr Stone's workin with the winds or brass or percussion and it takes forever. Haha Joe was funny. My stand partner. He just fell asleep every chance he got. Until Thursday night. He drank around 2 cups of coffee and it started to kick in and he was like OMG LETS PLAY HURRY BEFORE IT WEARS OFF GAH.

Interesting people out there.

And Joel. Joel's a cellist. Used to be Abbi's partner until reseating and he went up to 2nd. lmao.  but the first chair is freaking awesome.
Anyways Joel's hair reminds me of Spencer reid's hair or rather matthew gray gubler's hair...but anyways, its long kinda curly and pretty messy overall.
he was an interesting person.

met more people and actually talked to some people i see every single year but never bothered to talk to. like patrick. And ryan. and alan. funny how their all guys. all the girls are kinda...grouped up already. anyways.
ASO was interesting. Fun. kinda cold. But it was good nonetheless.

I really need to cut my nails. I had th ehardest time playing the high notes cause my left hand nails are a little too long T_T My righthand is 10x worse. I haven't cut them in forever cause I've been skipping piano cause of too much work and i didn't have lessons for a few weeeks, so I've only been bothereing to trim my left hand for violin. Eh.I kinda regret forgetting to cut my nails before I left Wed =\

OH. Lara was there too!!! For chorus! which kicked butt too btw. our butts T_T the audience loved them more than us. But then again, people were rushing. Ugh.

But ASO was fun. I love it. I'll miss it. =(

Atlantic cityyyyy

Hizers.

I get to leave school early tomorrow. EARLY FROM AN EARLY DISMISSAL HOW SICK IS THAT.

But then I get on a bus for 2+ hours down to Atlantic City where I eat a rushed dinner and then go to rehearsal at like..8 until 10 or somethign like that. I think. That's gonna suck.

And no gambling. Hahaha. I can't even hang out in the casino in my hotel for longer than it takes me to get through the gambling areas. T_T

But I'll be sure to stop by the awesome apple store in the nearby mall and blog. or update fb. or something. It's so awesome. And the candy store! I'll buy more candy this year =D

So I'm blogging because I'm kinda putting off my english essay on beowulf (ewwwww) and because I just finished packing and I feel like i'm forgetting a ton of stuff. But mainly because I don't wanna write the stupidass essay.

YES MPINEAPPLE. LINKIN PARK =D
Did you know they have a new album. I had no idea. Apparently it came out in the beginning of September too T_T I'm such a bad fan haha.

And Breaking Benjamin! Dear Agony?  I didn't know that one EXISTED. Maybe I did download it...but i didn't recognize some of the songs =\ It was on pandora haha.

time to outline for my essay so I'm not up at 2 AM going, "....what did I want to say in this part? How the hell do I prove that!?!?!?"
I kinda don't wanna sleep at 5:30 this time. Although it might be worse. I've been sleeping later and later with each essay. First one 2 am, 2nd one 4am, 3rd one 5:30 am.
yea. 6 am doesn't sound too appealing.....

I'm sooo behind on college essays. Everyone's like I APPLIED. or I HAVE 6 ESSAYS LEFT or 2 ESSAYS LEFT. I'm like...eheh....oops. I have like....10?  Well not 10 completely, I've started a few..just never finished. I hate how I can't write until I'm like OMG DUE TOMORROW. That's how I wrote my last two! Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I should write one on the bus ride. Finish a 300 or 500 word essay in 2 hours? Should be relatively easy. Just dunno how i'll check the word count....no laptop T_T sadness. I need one.

Back off, I'll take you on, headstrong to take on anyone.

^ "Headstrong," Trapt.

Yay for me and MPineapple for having similar music tastes!!!! =)
It's so awesome. Considering my biffle loves classical and kpop stuff haha.

So I decided to blog for the first time in ever cause I was looking at my blog thinking, Wow, my last post was so depressing and offensive, so here I am blogging a nice post I think. I never know what's gonna come out on the page till I write it.

MPineapple just said math grades are in. Let's hope it's a smaller disappointment than my SAT scores...but my grade hasn't changed yet and I highly doubt I got my average as a grade. I mean getting my average would still pull me up I think......gah. too much thinking.

Haha all I heard from "Mockingbird" by Eminem was "Ima wring that birdie's neck." XD
Pandora.com is a wonderful thing. It's high time I start expanding my horizons again. I need to get outta my listen-to-these-few-bands kinda habit...

REally worried about Calc now. If that's my grade after the new grade...meaning my average didn't change, I'm totally fucked.

Anyways. So my computer monitor burned out yesterday..what a pain in the ass.  So since there's only one desktop in this house (which is what I use) and one laptop that's kinda dying (which my mom uses to watch her dramas all the time), I had to make do with one of those old big bulky monitors. Which I'm okay with. Only problem is NOSOUND. THERE'S NO SPEAKER ON THIS MONITOR. So I had to pull out the computer from under the table, meaning I lost my leg rest for late-nights (I kept putting my leg up where the computer used to be and there was nothing there so depressing), and also meaning that I'm ruining my headphones cause the cords so short. Pain in the butt.
Speaking of computers, I really need a laptop soon. This computer is freaking slowwwww sometimes. Not to mention I'd like to work upstairs in bed sometimes if it's not something due the next time. IE college essays! Or working on an essay due later which happens almost never. Or reading Sparks. seriously. I need a laptop. Thank God I'm a senior finally and can get one. Hopefully I get a good one...Josh's was retarded for forever and he had to send it back a bunch of times to get it fixed.

It's not like you to say sorry. Nickelback.

I had no idea that Skillet was a Christian band. Nooooo idea. But I heard a really good song from them on Pandora yesterday and looked them up. I'm learning new things all the time.
This is my December; this is my time of the year. This is my December; this is all so clear.

I'm amazed by how long I've liked LP.  I think they were the first real band I was introduced to, and I've loved them since then. Really amazing.  My mom had a problem with one of their songs..point of authority i think...Nope. Runaway hahah. Cause it was like, "they point the finger at you again" meaning like...accusation kinda finger. Not the bird. But my mom thought it was the third finger and she's like NO BAD MUSIC NO. and turned off the CD player. =\

SORRY MOM. IF YOU HEARD MY MUSIC NOW, YOU'D BE CRYING. Actually, Josh's is worse and he plays it on the car all the time when he comes home.  My parents should appreciate my music. It's pretty good compared to some of the stuff Joshie has.

You know..I'm just rambling about nothing. This is probably a waste of whatever computers use. Carbon imprints? No idea. Lol.
I didn't go ToTing yesterday, so sad =( meaning ZERO CANDY. Except what i swiped from chinese school. XD
but noooooo good candy.
I'll go and figure out my englishessay now. and possibly write a college essay tonight. and fbla.